Elise Loehnen Books In Order

Publication Order of Non-Fiction Books

Elise Loehnen is a published author. She is known for writing On Our Best Behavior, a New York Times bestseller. She is also the host of a podcast, Pulling the Thread.

She has co-written over a dozen books, five of which have become bestsellers on the New York Times. This includes the book co-written with psychiatrist Phil Stutz, titled True and False Magic.

The author also has a workbook that came out in 2025 titled Choosing Wholeness over Goodness. She is married and resides in the city of Los Angeles, California along with her spouse and their two sons.

On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good is a 2023 book written by Elise Loehnen. It was nominated in the category of Readers’ Favorite Nonfiction for a Goodreads Award.

This book is an impressive exploration of the ancient rules that modern women all follow without expecting it in order to be considered good by themselves and others. It shows how the seven deadly sins continue to control and change their lives, lighting up a path that goes towards a more balanced way that we can live.

Women behave in an interesting way as they go about their everyday lives. We may give ourselves a pat on the back for resisting the temptation of taking a doughnut from the break room at the office. We may congratulate ourselves on our restraint when we type out an angry email and then keep from sending it, deleting instead.

Women may also feel that they are full of virtue when they wake up at the crack of dawn to get started on the day. When they put the needs of others in front of their own, they feel that they are being exceptional.

In this book, Elise serves as a journalist and author as well as social behaviorist when she explains to us that these impulses that are so often held up as feminine, unselfish instincts are actually drilled in all of us by a culture that is able to get all of the benefits, all through a collection of mores that are traditionally known as ‘the seven deadly sins’.

The Seven Deadly Sins were first codified in the Christian church in the fourth century. They were identified as being sloth, wrath, gluttony, lust, envy, greed, and pride. Ever since then, they have exerted their power. Today in our patriarchal society that is mostly secular, they continue to influence the behavior of women.

One example would be women seeing sloth as being a sin, so they deny themselves the chance to rest. Fearing gluttony makes them want to ignore their appetites. Being averse to greed can sometimes keep them from negotiating for themselves or trying to get a raise and could potentially be part of the gender wealth gap.

In this book, the author shows how women have essentially been programmed to follow the rules and obey completely everything that is represented by these sins, and how going through with this and doing so makes them ‘good’. An interesting analysis of the culture that we live in today paired with researched history shows a compelling argument for how women have not only internalized the patriarchy but reinforce it without completely understanding it.

Sharing her personal story and the wisdom of other spiritual traditions, Loehnen illustrates to the reader how women have the power to not only break free but to find the wholeness and integrity that they are after without bowing down to the seven deadly sins. This is an intriguing read that you won’t want to miss out on!

Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: A Process for Reclaiming Your Full Self is a 2025 workbook penned by Elise Loehnen. This book goes along with On Our Best Behavior and is a compliment to that work.

When it comes to you, is there a ‘truer’ version of yourself that is hiding? Elise wrote On Our Best Behavior in an attempt to pull apart the cultural programming that she thought was running her life as well as the impulse she felt on the inside to be a good woman and perform this goodness in the world. She also wondered where this had come from and why she was so scared to give up this act.

Starting her research, Elise knew that she was working with the core premise that in our patriarchal culture, women are conditioned to be good just the same as men are conditioned to pursue power. Deviating from them can be a type of social death. To get different results for men and women, we ought to change these constructs but cannot do that until he first understand how they constrain our lives.

Sometimes being a good woman can feel like the only safe path in our society. Harm to a woman’s reputation can be risky and deadly, since just one comment on a woman can cause irreparable harm. Meanwhile, men are allowed to do a variety of things so long as they are perceived as powerful. Culture is contagious and is whispered into us. Are we ourselves, or are we being the people that we think we are supposed to be?

For Elise, she thinks that we have been told stories about what a good woman is, and we have been convinced that this is a version of our destiny, and doing something outside of our ‘nature’ is to be deviant. This is a cultural story as well, since women were also hunters and men have long been caretakers. Culture dictates behavior, but ignoring these ideas is not enough to opt out.

A good woman is not tired, doesn’t want anything for herself, and doesn’t need praise, affirmation, or attention. She doesn’t have an appetite, doesn’t talk about money, keeps the economy going and her own budget constrained. She is desirable but not desiring, sexy in place of sexual, and not upset about any of this ever. Elise works with Courtney here to offer a middle path to women, a way that they can prioritize their relationship and self-expression at the same time.

This book looks into how these rules about goodness and women came to be and the workbook is intended to help you figure out what to do next. It shows how you can choose something else, as a process is outlined that starts by showing the stories that run your life, that can be so closely held that they become unconscious beliefs. Choose new stories and beliefs that do not get in the way of your ability to be yourself by checking out this workbook!